Dear Readers

At this point in time, there is no shortage of topics for me to write about. I hesitate to use the word ‘blog’ because I write short stories. If you read this page, you are aware that I enjoy writing stories about my thoughts, experiences and opinions. Today however, I would like to ask you what story you would prefer me to write about next. Here are your choices:
1: Non-Fiction: Happy Days. A story about a professor I had which I wrote during his class. Mostly I just think about how he spends his free time.
2: Fiction: The Synergy Elves. This is something I have been working on (in my mind) for some time. They are a small group of elves who were execs for Santa until he outsourced labor. Now they are consultants for high powered companies. I will tell you now, they are mostly useless.
3: Non-Fiction: Bluetooth’s hidden teeth. This is about how technology has caused more distractions and made it more difficult to spot the real crazies.
4: Fiction: Wing Man. The economic crisis causes Paul to lose his day job. After several failed attempts, he gets a job as a manager at Hooters. The dilemma is that he is also a pastor.

Ok, there are your choices. If you would simply comment on this post and rank your preference as to which story you would be most likely to read through the one you’re least likely to read (e.g. 2134 or 4321). Maybe a quick sentence as to your rationale would be great too. As of yet the highest number of comments for any post is two, so a tie is quite possible.

The Need for Structure: Draw the Line, Walk the Line or Walk Home

Who Has the Time?
It seems that our schedule is becoming continuously crowded. For every item we check off of our BB (Before Birth) list, two things are added. Most recently, Lindsay asked me if I was ready to meet the Dr. on Monday. I said, “yes, but that’s next Monday”. “No”, she replied, “That’s our Dr.’s appointment for the ultrasound, we have to meet and interview our potential pediatrician, you remember right?” “Ohhh…that….Ummmmm, No” I replied. My plans for catching up at home and relaxing are once again delayed. People stop me every hour and remind me that once the baby is born, there is no time for anything. “You won’t get any sleep, silence or time to yourself”, I am told. I know this to be true, but at the same time, what can you do? I have already committed to this, we are past the point of no return yet I am reminded of ‘just what I have gotten myself into’ on a regular basis. Our love for our children motivates us to do things we would never have done otherwise, perhaps not even for our spouse. The sacrifices that parents must endure daily are some of the most difficult in that they are never really recognized by anyone.
An Act of Fatherly Love
As a child I lived for candy. The glimmer in my eye when seeing fresh candy and having a dollar in my pocket was something that can only be compared to my uncle Otis walking into a liquor store with his first credit card. My first lesson in finance came in the form of buying gumballs at 3 cents apiece. I would slowly purchase three at a time as to avoid the 1 cent tax that one would incur when surpassing the ten cent barrier. So frugal, so patient, so annoying, my dad would be proud. My youngest brother’s favorite candy was fireballs. My dad would suck the hot part off of them then give then back to him so he could have the equivalent of a sugar flavored jawbreaker. Ever curious, he would suck on the fireball then take it out and look at it and go back to sucking. One day he ran past me and towards dad and yelled “It’s stuck in my nose!! The fireball is stuck in my nose!!”. Dad worked feverishly trying to grasp the ball, but it had worked its way deep into the nasal cavity. After a few minutes of failed attempts, dad seemed to stare into space. I recall the silence which felt like several minutes, but was most likely around 10 seconds. Dad grabbed my brother’s head and held it to the floor, put his mouth over the blocked nostril and sucked…….
Friends of the family would go on to refer to this incident as “an act of true fatherly love”. What most people don’t know is that dad pretty much refused to take us to the hospital for anything. That meant that with very few exceptions, everything had to be resolved at home. I’m not sure if this was because my dad thought all doctors were quacks, or because he was just so cheap; perhaps a combination of the two. Whether or not you agree with your parents is rather insignificant in terms of outcomes. Most parents, and grandparents for that that matter, are going to do what they want with little to no consideration of outside opinions. On the rare occurrence they do not, it is usually out of love. Love can cause one to do what they would have otherwise refused. Parents unfamiliar with this concept are most likely those who opt for convenience and yes, we all know they are out there. Perhaps they are your neighbor who watches passively as their kids engage in mischief then years later complains to you that their kids can’t “seem to stay out of jail for more than a few weeks”. Perhaps it is the executive down the hall who has worked no less than ten hours a day for the last ten years in order to get ahead and “provide a better life for their family and children”. Either way, at some point they prioritized their own agenda over that of their children’s such that the outcome may substantiate in multiple generations. I say this not out of criticism or condescension but rather out of praise for those parents who take the high road.

Drawing the Line
We all know that there is no manual for parenting, but there is common sense and in fact resources that may help you along the way. And you don’t need a manual to tell you that within reason, you get what you give. I say this cautiously because for every parent that neglects their children there is one that “spares the rod and spoils the child”. We all have our soft moments, but there are a number of issues in which wavering can be interpreted as weakness. In my humble experience I have learned that children who do not know boundaries are prone to chaos. How one forms and enforces the boundaries is subjective, the fact that it should be done is not. When there are no boundaries sacrifice is both null and counter intuitive as there is no point of reference for the act to be judged against. Picture yourself offering your child the reward of a happy meal if they do their chores. One thing leads to another, cartoons come on, a friend comes over, etc. and for one reason or another the chores are incomplete. Later that afternoon as you are running errands, you pass by McDonalds and after multiple pleas for food (and the toy that comes with it) you go through the drive through and buy a happy meal (now maybe you can have a few minutes of silence). This is counter intuitive on multiple levels and you are more or less saying that your earlier declaration was in fact, null and void. My parents were not in this boat. My mom would have pulled into McDonalds, ordered a happy meal, and then proceed to eat it in front of me and tell me how good it is.

Walking HomeWe had a White Foods grocery store in our home town. It was about three miles from our house. My brother and I would look at magazines the whole time mom shopped. Mostly we would look through the Beckett magazine to see how much our key baseball cards were worth. When she was ready to go, Mom would check out and leave. If you weren’t in the car, you were left behind. She got past me and my brother one time and we ran into the parking lot. We saw the car, and waited for a half hour before finding out that she had gone to another store in the same parking lot. “Oh hey, I was wondering what happened to you two” she said as she tucked her receipt into her purse. If she was worried, she did a fantastic job of covering it up. There was another occasion where I didn’t catch her in time and I saw the minivan leave the parking lot. I began walking home and about halfway my sister’s sister in law (from her husband at that time) picked me up. She asked me “How did you get downtown?” and I replied that my mom had left me there. She said that she was sure my mother was worried sick and probably looking all over for me and I told her, “Right, ummm, I think she’s probably calling around right now”. After being dropped off at home I went inside and when I tried to ask my mom why she left me, she kept giving me the “Just a minute” signal by holding up her index finger. She was on the phone with her sister in Florida and the conversation had nothing to do with my whereabouts.
This would not be the only time I was left behind or forgot about for that matter. But I always made a mental note to keep an eye on mom after that. If I saw her tilt her cart in the direction of a cashier, I put up my magazine and waited alongside her. What was frustrating about this was that many times she would remember something then go back into shopping mode for the next 20 minutes. One of my favorite things about getting a license was being able to tell my mother “I’ll meet you there”. Today when we are going to the same place, I tend to opt for self transportation (vs carpooling), but at 4 bucks a gallon I’m beginning to wonder, how bad would it be to walk home?